NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
