ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
