I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
