thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
