her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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