You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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