Small penises have feelings too.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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