We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
