After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
