Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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