i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
