you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
