walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
