Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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