then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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