I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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