Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
