I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
