Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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