The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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