Plan B is the new Plan A
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
