I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
