I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
