shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
