why didn't you poke me back
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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