watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
