I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
