so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
