this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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