Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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