Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
