I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
