It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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