Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
