he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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