i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
don't judge my taste in strippers
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
