Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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