Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
