Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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