Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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