and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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