Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
