Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
