I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
