Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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