bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
