somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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