State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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