I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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