You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
