I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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